What does success mean to you?
It's funny, because considering how much time we spend trying to achieve something, we spend even more time worrying about whether or not we'll even make it. From my own observation, it seems like one of the many things that we (or at least some of us) do excessively is worry. Worrying about ourselves, about other people; worrying if an extra five minutes would have made a difference to your final exam grade, worrying if you've done enough, worrying if you're enough. We worry so much as if it's something that we enjoy doing. But the real question is, what is it all for? Why is the idea of success something that is so worrying and anxiety provoking? Aren't we trying to succeed for ourselves? I mean, that would be optimal right, if people could just do things for themselves and not care about anyone else or think about consequences? But I understand that that's not really how things work. At this point in time, saying that a person defines their own success is pretty much redundant. We've all heard it before, and not all of us can afford to follow the same pattern of thinking. Well, that's just baffling.
This is not some sort of attempt to explain why people should stop worrying, because it's a natural human response that is often beyond our control. Even I worry way too much for my own good. (Of course there's the subject of anxiety disorders and other psychological factors but it's probably best that we don't go there.) My point of interest lies in the different ways that people conceptualise success, and how the idea of success is affected by perceptions of adequacy and self worth that are being upheld by our society. More importantly, I want to question what or who defines individual adequacy, and if it even really matters in terms of success.
When a friend suggested for me to take on this subject, she mentioned another friend of ours and said, "I feel like it's something that is she's always so consciously thinking about." She didn't mean it as a bad thing, and I get it. I guess in a way each one of us is consciously thinking about how we can be successful. For me, growing up all I really wanted to do was make my parents proud, and as a 20-something undergrad I can say that it's very much still in my agenda. Yes it's also about that title, that sense of accomplishment, that feeling that you did something worthwhile and it paid off. That's what drives me forward. But for some of us it doesn't come as easy. Motivation sometimes feels like the light at the end of the tunnel, instead of the force that pushes you to search for the light at the end of the tunnel. And you see, this is where things get complicated – how can we get motivated to find motivation?
I'm not about to sit here and talk about ways to do that because in all honesty, I don't know. Sometimes I do find it hard to distinguish the motivation to graduate between the desire to make my parents proud and the idea that, well, the way that our society works more or less expects me to. But does graduating make me adequate? Does not graduating make me inadequate? So many people end up getting stuck working a job that means nothing more to them than something that pays their bills and puts food on their table. I'm not trying to say that there's anything wrong with that, and for some people that's more than enough. I just find it sad to think that standards of success – either from our own close relationships or the society as a whole – often place a lot of pressure on people to build status or fulfil expectations, rather than helping them find something that they can pursue.
This becomes particularly tricky and more troublesome when considering the fact that figuring out what to do in life is quite possibly the hardest and most terrifying thing that we have to deal with. People who choose not to attend university or who do not work prestigious jobs are often seen as less adequate or less capable, but why? Is being content not a form of success? Doesn't knowing what you don't want scream adequacy just as much as knowing what you want? These are exactly the things that induce a collective fear of failure amongst many people. What even is failure? It all makes my head spiral into a big loop of confusion and I wish I knew the answers, I really do. But I guess I never will.
Perhaps all the anxiety around this subject and the sense of entitlement to define my own success is just a symptom of being in my twenties. Maybe I'm just afraid to graduate and not know what to do from there, or not know anything at all, which actually proves my point nicely. I should stop now, maybe I'll go distract myself with videos of adorable puppies – as you do when you're an undergrad who experiences a physical and emotional breakdown on a daily basis because of the mountains of assignments that you have to work through. All for a fancy piece of paper? Yeah, basically.
Take care of yourself.
When a friend suggested for me to take on this subject, she mentioned another friend of ours and said, "I feel like it's something that is she's always so consciously thinking about." She didn't mean it as a bad thing, and I get it. I guess in a way each one of us is consciously thinking about how we can be successful. For me, growing up all I really wanted to do was make my parents proud, and as a 20-something undergrad I can say that it's very much still in my agenda. Yes it's also about that title, that sense of accomplishment, that feeling that you did something worthwhile and it paid off. That's what drives me forward. But for some of us it doesn't come as easy. Motivation sometimes feels like the light at the end of the tunnel, instead of the force that pushes you to search for the light at the end of the tunnel. And you see, this is where things get complicated – how can we get motivated to find motivation?
I'm not about to sit here and talk about ways to do that because in all honesty, I don't know. Sometimes I do find it hard to distinguish the motivation to graduate between the desire to make my parents proud and the idea that, well, the way that our society works more or less expects me to. But does graduating make me adequate? Does not graduating make me inadequate? So many people end up getting stuck working a job that means nothing more to them than something that pays their bills and puts food on their table. I'm not trying to say that there's anything wrong with that, and for some people that's more than enough. I just find it sad to think that standards of success – either from our own close relationships or the society as a whole – often place a lot of pressure on people to build status or fulfil expectations, rather than helping them find something that they can pursue.This becomes particularly tricky and more troublesome when considering the fact that figuring out what to do in life is quite possibly the hardest and most terrifying thing that we have to deal with. People who choose not to attend university or who do not work prestigious jobs are often seen as less adequate or less capable, but why? Is being content not a form of success? Doesn't knowing what you don't want scream adequacy just as much as knowing what you want? These are exactly the things that induce a collective fear of failure amongst many people. What even is failure? It all makes my head spiral into a big loop of confusion and I wish I knew the answers, I really do. But I guess I never will.
Perhaps all the anxiety around this subject and the sense of entitlement to define my own success is just a symptom of being in my twenties. Maybe I'm just afraid to graduate and not know what to do from there, or not know anything at all, which actually proves my point nicely. I should stop now, maybe I'll go distract myself with videos of adorable puppies – as you do when you're an undergrad who experiences a physical and emotional breakdown on a daily basis because of the mountains of assignments that you have to work through. All for a fancy piece of paper? Yeah, basically.
Take care of yourself.
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